Diary: Heavy

January. I don’t know what it is about this particular month, but I feel, and have felt, it’s been a particularly heavy, and just…hard month. And I know that it’s not been the case just for me. So many people close to me have been just in the thick of it lately. I feel that weight like a collective burden as I hold their words and feel what it is they must be going through right now. I don’t know why life has been so hard, for it is for so many right now, and I wanted to speak to it. It’s been especially hard on me emotionally lately. I think one of my weakest moments is when I feel everyone in my life pull away. I struggle so much with it because I know one of my wounds, my fears, is watching the ones I love leave me. I know that, above all else right now, that this is not the case, that we are all just struggling with so much right now. I wanted to speak to it because I want to pull closer together and not farther apart in these moments. Because we’re not alone. Even in the moments that hurt, in the midst of the suck, or when we fear it’ll always be this way, it won’t. I’m grateful tonight for the people in my life, who keep showing up. For this heart that keeps beating. And for pictures like this one, that remind me of how far I’ve come. I took this 3 years ago today, and my heart ached then trying to finally let go of the men that I had loved. Three years later, and I’m still learning how to just be me…

Oh beautiful heart, there is more to come. Hold on.

You will get through this.

You are not alone.

You are loved.

And you are enough.

Always enough.

This too shall pass.