Diary: Still just me
"The truth is it’s so much scarier and harder when you face things like this alone. Yes, I am strong, and resilient, and capable, but…BUT, I am also human, and it’s okay to feel this way. To feel lost, and like you just want to fall apart, even when life says, no, you can’t. Because there is no pause, no person to lean on. It’s just me. And I honestly never expected for it to still just…be me."
Diary: Heavy
"I don’t know what it is about this particular month, but I feel, and have felt, it’s been a particularly heavy, and just…hard month...
I feel that weight like a collective burden as I hold their words and feel what it is they must be going through right now. I don’t know why life has been so hard, for it is for so many right now, and I wanted to speak to it."
Diary: Being sick and Paris
"I am still grateful, and I know that it will pass, but it’s also bringing up all the emotions that come with being sick and single. It feels like this photo to me: a solitary path where there’s no one else to help me get there—past it, through it—other than myself. ...It’s a painful reminder, especially when you’re brought to your lowest, that you are all you have."
Diary: A new path
"I can see clearly all the days that have led me here, to the place I’m at now. It does feel like I find myself at a turning point, just like this bend in the trail—ready to leave this particular trail behind me. I’m ready to step forward, towards the things I am ready to have in my life."
Diary: My Christmas Card
"I rarely post when I don’t have something positive to post about, or unless I’m in a really positive place. Tonight I’m sharing, despite all of that.
There are so many pretty posts, so many picture perfect Christmas cards, and I’m not knocking you if you shared one, but this is just not one of those. This picture is of me, after an entire Thanksgiving spent alone."
Diary: Paris
"One year ago today I was on a plane headed to Paris. I had just come back from another trip. One day separating such vastly different men and different experiences. To succinctly put it, one man I was hoping to fall in love with, and another who was falling in love with me."
Diary: Finding the words
"I know it’s been a long time. The words have been there, all along, and yet…either I haven’t known the strength, or had the right space to really share them here.
...there will always be excuses to not write, to not share, but the words were still there, wanting and waiting to be shared."
Diary: Try, try, and fail again
"I was supposed to have a first date on Thursday...I was supposed to finally be meeting someone I was genuinely excited to meet, to get to know, to maybe even just allow myself to hope to find that spark, that excitement again...to have it all go away, again—just like that."
Diary: To be clear
"I’ve said it before, and it’s absolutely true: I have lived more in the past 5 years than in the previous eleven. Even though this wasn’t a turn I expected, I absolutely love the life I have created."
Diary: In the midst of COVID, there is still this
"It’s been five years. Five years since my ex-husband told me it was over and that he was leaving (for someone else).
I sometimes forget this story is new to some; I am personally so tired of this story that I forget that many don’t know it. I find this weekend is always a painful reminder of that story, but it’s also been a painful reminder of so many other endings since."
Diary: How are we doing here?
"People ask me how I am doing a lot these days, and I find it such a hard question to answer, honestly. How am I today? How am I in this moment? The truth is that it has been a lot of day-by-day, full of ups and downs, and some really hard shit."
Diary: I see you
"I want to take a moment to recognize every single woman who puts her heart out there: whether it’s for the first time, or for the 157th time, it took courage, heart, and vulnerability to face the possibility of love, at the risk of possible rejection. I hope you know, tonight, I see you. Your courage, heart, and vulnerability were echoed today in mine..."