R is for Real Talk about Real Life
So when I started this blog I knew that I would be talking about my marriage, about relationships, but I suppose I forgot I would also be writing about the spaces in between: real life. I have had a focus for each of the posts I have written thus far; I knew what I wanted to say before I begun and I’ve never had any difficulty in writing them. Then I got to December and I hit a wall. Not a writing block, per se, but a time in my life so hard that I couldn’t mentally bring myself to write—about anything. So today I want to be real about that. The truth is that between the Instagram stories, the adventures, the coffee shops (yes, all the coffee shops and the shameless pictures of all my coffee art), and the daily 9 to 5, there is a girl who is hurting. In all these spaces between, there is real life, and I want to be real about my struggle that exists there. So here’s to having a “real talk” about “real life.”
I know that I alluded to having a difficult time in the month of December in my last post, but I was hesitant to share too many details at the time. The truth is, it’s incredibly hard to write about something ‘til you feel you have “beaten it,” “gotten better,” etc. (It’s honestly the reason I waited so long to write about the struggles I faced in the ending of my marriage.) I realize only now that I don’t know if I’ll ever truly “beat this.” I just don’t. But here’s what I do know: Today is better than yesterday, and the day before that. That there are people who are here for me and who love me, even when I forget that sometimes. And that I am hopeful.
So here is the truth of it: I struggle with feelings of loneliness and, subsequently, depression. I hate it. I hate admitting it to myself; I hate admitting it to you. But trying to deny something doesn’t make it any less real, so I’m admitting it’s a problem I struggle with. I am not writing this for pity or to receive advice on how to fix it; I am writing this to be real and honest. I am imperfect and I struggle, oftentimes, with the cards I’ve been dealt. But with that said, every single day I get up knowing that I am absolutely blessed. I have learned to take every single day as it comes. And I approach each day, and each week with the belief that something new and amazing could happen in my life, and that I’m open to that happening.
With a month of darkness and sadness coming to a close in 2017 I was excited for the New Year and for all that 2018 might hold for me. I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I do like the proverbial closure that comes with it—an opportunity to start fresh. As part of my work towards a place where I feel happy and whole, I wrote a list of things I want to remember and that I could turn to if I should ever find the dark thoughts and feelings creeping up. I knew the moment I wrote this list that I needed to share it with you, and thus this post was born. I hope that these words help someone else, for when they, too, have their doubts, or for when they feel alone. If you can relate, trust me when I say that I know how you feel, but I promise you, you are not alone. There a lot of us secretly hurting too. Let’s not be ashamed of that, but in our opening up—in our vulnerability—feel the love and belonging we need most.
Things I want to remember in 2018:
People are inherently good.
Everyone is doing the best that they can do.
People do want to see you. Reach out and ask to see them!
People, the ones that matter, will love to hear from you. So say something. Two words, five words, a dozen! Just say something. It will mean something.
Always try to think the best, not the worst, of people. We’re already too hard on ourselves without others doing it for us.
Love. Love. Love. (You can’t do it enough!)
Smile. You are blessed.
Take a moment to count 10 things you are grateful for.
Write more.
Listen more.
Be willing to risk your heart.
With love to you all in the New Year,
Sabrina Michele