Diary: Try, try, and fail again

I was supposed to have a first date on Thursday...I was supposed to finally be meeting someone I was genuinely excited to meet, to get to know, to maybe even just allow myself to hope to find that spark, that excitement again...to have it all go away, again—just like that. I wish I could say I’m good at rejection by now, but I’m not. It’s never gotten easier. Not now, not earlier in the year when I actually tried putting myself out there, pre-COVID, to have men remind me how shitty dating apps can be, and have become.

The truth is it’s hard, and it SUCKS. Feeling like this. Especially when all the photo memories have to come rolling in of all the men who have also not chosen me these past five years. God. I know this is heavy, I know it’s not light and fun, like the post I’d much rather be sharing right now of all these amazing places I have been these past two weeks, but it’s also REAL, and it’s where I’m at right now. I’m sharing because I feel like it’s important to keep opening up, to show up, even when that means getting vulnerable and it’s hard to—maybe even especially then.

No matter what...even though this has been a hard couple of days, I can tell you one thing: this woman knows her worth. I am stronger than this. I have been through worse. And any man who doesn’t want to meet me, to get to know me, isn’t for me.

So, here’s to putting the past behind us...and staying open to good things coming into our life, because I have a strong hope and faith that they will. One day.

Until then...you can bet I’ll be here loving the hell out of me and this amazing life, even if it’s solo.

More pictures and more writing to share soon... Promise.