Diary: Being sick and Paris

Life has a funny way of making us face things, doesn’t it? I knew getting my second vaccine shot yesterday I would more than likely experience some symptoms, but I didn’t expect all the old emotions that come up every time I get sick. I recently realized I so rarely get sick (I avoid it like the plague); I pay attention to my body, I take wellness formula, I slow down when I need to, but here I am—forced to be sick.

I am still grateful, and I know that it will pass, but it’s also bringing up all the emotions that come with being sick and single. It feels like this photo to me: a solitary path where there’s no one else to help me get there—past it, through it—other than myself. (Even when I so desperately wish that I did.) It’s a painful reminder, especially when you’re brought to your lowest, that you are all you have. I feel so incredibly proud of where I am in my journey of accepting and loving my life, just as I am—single. But it doesn’t make being sick any less difficult.

I know this is coming up for me because I know this wound comes from such a long time ago; I have always felt most comfortable striking out on my own because it was all that I knew. I suppose I’m sharing because it feels important; especially as I know each of us has things that come up for them, even if they’re not the same as mine. I suppose the silver lining is that someday, quite soon, I could be walking the streets of Montmartre again. And that is certainly worth being laid out for a day or two.

Here’s to being more vulnerable, and to more writing. I definitely want to share more soon…