Diary: Being sick and Paris
"I am still grateful, and I know that it will pass, but it’s also bringing up all the emotions that come with being sick and single. It feels like this photo to me: a solitary path where there’s no one else to help me get there—past it, through it—other than myself. ...It’s a painful reminder, especially when you’re brought to your lowest, that you are all you have."
Paris for One
"I feel like I have already been on this journey of self-discovery for the past three and a half years, but going to Paris? It felt like the last missing puzzle piece I have been looking for and didn’t even know that I was missing. The journey has been a long one, but the most important and rewarding of my life. It’s been my journey to truly find me—just me—outside of anyone else..."
Love is a Four-Letter Word
"Somehow, in loving me, I found that I could love again. I hope that someday, when the timing is right, I will meet someone who is ready, and who’s heart is open to receive this love; but, until then, I am happy and content knowing that I have found everything I need, right here."
Learning how to say Goodbye
“I am learning how to say goodbye. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I know I have to. I know that I have to put me first now, and that it means letting go of these people—from my life, from my thoughts. …It may not be overnight, but a day at a time, I am giving myself back to me…”
Owning Our Stories
"When I read that yesterday, I knew...I knew that I had to live with the words I had written. I wrote them, I meant them, and I published them to tell my story; even as painful as that was, I needed to do just that. …I am here, and I am ready to own this story. And not just the good parts, but the whole thing.”
B is for Birthdays
"Birthdays were my favorite growing up. Right in the middle of the summer, I remember feeling lucky; I never had to go to school on my birthday, and since summer was my favorite season, I loved that my birthday fell when it did. I suppose we all have fond memories of summer break growing up, but I remember my birthday being particularly special. I know that’s one of the reasons why I have kept a fondness for my birthday, all these years later, when it seems so many of my generation would prefer to have little to no fanfare, or wish they could skip the whole birthday bit entirely. Not me. grins I know, for me, birthdays will always be a big deal."
E is for Erasers
"I think it’s important to recognize that erasers aren’t perfect. Even the fancy kind I had in the fifth grade. There were always remnants left behind—faint, but the marks were still there if you looked closely. No amount of erasing could remove it all completely (believe me, I tried). I believe it’s the same exact concept with erasing people and relationships. I don’t care if you’re writing in pencil or in pen, there are going to be marks left behind."
G is for Getting Comfortable Being Alone
"I say it’s hard writing about this because, the truth is—I struggle. I struggle with knowing I am making the right decisions. I struggle with relationships and dating. I struggle with letting people go. And I seriously struggle with being alone, just me. No boyfriend, no potentials, no one I’m even talking to, nada. So this post is about a current struggle for me. G is for “Getting comfortable being alone.”"
F is for Finding Yourself Again
“As much as it has hurt (time and time again), I wouldn’t be the strong, resilient, beautiful woman I am today had I not experienced every moment of the past thirty-three years. As odd as this might sound, I definitely believe I would never be as complete or as whole a person had I not gone through my divorce. Going through that has forced me to grow in ways I could have never imagined; so, despite what happened not being something I had ever wanted to experience, I will always be grateful for having gone through it.”
H is for Hurt
“Hurt. Heartbreak. Heal. I wish it were that easy. As easy as taking a misstep and falling down; granted, it hurts (sometimes like hell), but you can get back up, brush yourself off, and move on. Sometimes, when it comes to matters of the heart, however, it’s just not that easy. It may be that simple, but it is never seemingly that simple or ever easy. At least not for me…”