Coming Back Up for Air
“…the reason is because I didn’t know how to. All I knew how to do was feel—all the raw emotions, hoping that at one point it would stop or I would have someone (new) to help me forget the hurt and pain the last person caused me. I think it’s only now, in the absence of chaos and distractions, that I’ve been forced to face it: the grieving of a relationship. And processing all of it—the good, the bad, what you need to take away from it, and what you need to truly, finally, let that person go, for good.”
2019: The Year of Love, Love Lost, and Paris
"I cried because the man I fell in love with was proposing to someone else. I cried because he was, in every single way, exactly what I wanted—at least in that moment of my life. And even though I can look back on us and see just how much he didn’t deserve the love I had for him, it is irrelevant to the simple fact that I did...love him. I loved him in a way that I have never known before...connected with him in a way I had never known before. I cried because this hurt me—seeing this, as it should. But it was also necessary. I knew this was the moment I had to let it all go."
Diary: New year
"Whether it’s the first or the second, this post is a reminder that you can start new, right here...in this moment, or in the next. You don’t need a New Year to hit the reset button, to finally make that leap of faith, to let go of the ones who don’t serve you anymore, or to finally start putting you first."
Diary: 2019
"So much to look back on...While it is so easy to focus on how hard this past year has been, I have intentionally been trying to focus on the good, because there truly was so much good in 2019.
Paris for One
"I feel like I have already been on this journey of self-discovery for the past three and a half years, but going to Paris? It felt like the last missing puzzle piece I have been looking for and didn’t even know that I was missing. The journey has been a long one, but the most important and rewarding of my life. It’s been my journey to truly find me—just me—outside of anyone else..."
Learning how to say Goodbye
“I am learning how to say goodbye. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I know I have to. I know that I have to put me first now, and that it means letting go of these people—from my life, from my thoughts. …It may not be overnight, but a day at a time, I am giving myself back to me…”
A is for Acceptance
"Acceptance. It is the only answer I have found that gives me any comfort whatsoever—in life, in relationships—acceptance of what has happened, and that there is nothing we can do to change it. The promotion or raise we didn’t get; the invitation we were expecting which never comes; the call or text you were hoping he would make, but you never receive; the man you fall in love with, who will never love you back. Acceptance. Even when it breaks your heart, accepting that this is the hand life has dealt you in this moment."
Owning Our Stories
"When I read that yesterday, I knew...I knew that I had to live with the words I had written. I wrote them, I meant them, and I published them to tell my story; even as painful as that was, I needed to do just that. …I am here, and I am ready to own this story. And not just the good parts, but the whole thing.”
B is for Birthdays
"Birthdays were my favorite growing up. Right in the middle of the summer, I remember feeling lucky; I never had to go to school on my birthday, and since summer was my favorite season, I loved that my birthday fell when it did. I suppose we all have fond memories of summer break growing up, but I remember my birthday being particularly special. I know that’s one of the reasons why I have kept a fondness for my birthday, all these years later, when it seems so many of my generation would prefer to have little to no fanfare, or wish they could skip the whole birthday bit entirely. Not me. grins I know, for me, birthdays will always be a big deal."
E is for Erasers
"I think it’s important to recognize that erasers aren’t perfect. Even the fancy kind I had in the fifth grade. There were always remnants left behind—faint, but the marks were still there if you looked closely. No amount of erasing could remove it all completely (believe me, I tried). I believe it’s the same exact concept with erasing people and relationships. I don’t care if you’re writing in pencil or in pen, there are going to be marks left behind."
G is for Getting Comfortable Being Alone
"I say it’s hard writing about this because, the truth is—I struggle. I struggle with knowing I am making the right decisions. I struggle with relationships and dating. I struggle with letting people go. And I seriously struggle with being alone, just me. No boyfriend, no potentials, no one I’m even talking to, nada. So this post is about a current struggle for me. G is for “Getting comfortable being alone.”"