Paris for One

Photo by Ashley Linanne Photography

I just returned from a week’s long trip to Paris, a trip I had wanted to take for the past year, and actually booked and started to actively plan for in November of last year. As seems to be the case with most things in life, an abundance of opinions regarding my plans to go to Paris alone were had, and shared with me (quite liberally), before I left. Nothing that surprising, but still a tad frustrating at times. “Oh my word, you’re going alone?!?,” seemed to be the most prominent exclamation, to comments about how I shouldn’t go alone, etc., etc. They ranged the gamut, from how amazing it was that I was going alone, to, the worst, “Haven’t you seen ‘Taken’?” Yes, I’ve seen it. No, I’m not a 21-year-old virgin; I think I’m safe from being kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking. laughs (Sorry. No, I know that’s not funny. But the question was.)

Men vs. Women traveling

While I appreciate the comments of support and validation for me taking this trip, it definitely highlighted just how differently men and women are seen and treated for traveling alone. It’s really does feel frustrating at times to know that people treat me differently—talk to me differently—than they might a man who is traveling alone. Would a man get a shocked response for traveling alone to Europe? Maybe a bit, but not to the level I experienced. Would he be asked if he was scared to travel alone? How about being told he’s going to fall in love in Paris? Have lots of sex in Paris? Um. Yeah.

It’s funny, I have become so used to the dialogue and the script that it really just doesn’t surprise me anymore. A very close girlfriend of mine called out how asinine that really is, though, recently (and I love her dearly for it). She knows me well enough to know that I will be fine, that I will be safe, and that I will have an amazing time—which I can say that I did, having just gotten back. But having her call it out, it really struck a chord with me. I’m truly grateful to have someone like her in my life. To not only be the kind of person who sees me exactly as I am, but to also not treat me any differently based on my sex/gender.

First solo trip

The truth is that this was my first big trip solo, so it definitely was an experience that forced me to step out of my comfort zone, to get uncomfortable, and to realize that, even if I made a mistake or wrong turn, that I would be okay...I would learn and figure it out...and I did. (And trust me, I definitely made a couple of those wrong turns, but I quickly learned what went wrong and I figured it out.) Getting to go to another country, solo, has to be one of the most empowering experiences I have ever had. It forces you to lean into the uncomfortable—to adapt, to learn, and, ultimately, to grow as a human being. If shit doesn’t go quite right or to plan you don’t have anyone else to turn to or to help you figure it out. Realizing that you can deal with situations like that, as they come up? Well, it is one of the most empowering things I have ever gone through.

Was I a little intimidated? Nervous? Even a bit, scared? Absolutely! Did I let my fear keep me from moving forward and figuring it out? Hell no! And I’m so glad that I didn’t. I truly believe some of the best moments in life can be had when we find those tipping points in life. It’s a little scary, or intimidating, even, and yeah, we might get it wrong at first—but we swallow it down and conquer the things we were once afraid of. I know my trip was made better for each of the moments I faced and pushed through while in Paris.

…travel affords us just that: the moments where we find the answers, the moments where we find the inner strength we may not have even realized we had, and, ultimately, where we find ourselves...our truest self.

It was an incredible feeling, too, coming back. Having gone to Paris, alone, and to come back...it made me feel invincible. Yes, I did that. If I can do that, there isn’t anything I couldn’t do on my own. And I know I am a very independent person, with very little that intimidates me—but I truly wish more people had the courage to take this kind of trip. I truly feel it is an experience everyone should experience at least once in their life because it’s when you learn your own inner strength. Not when everything is perfect and going right, but when the shit hits the fan. How will you respond then? Do you know what you’ll do? I personally feel like travel affords us just that: the moments where we find the answers, the moments where we find the inner strength we may not have even realized we had, and, ultimately, where we find ourselves...our truest self.

The journey has been a long one, but the most important and rewarding of my life. It’s been my journey to truly find me—just me —outside of anyone else…

I feel like I have already been on this journey of self-discovery for the past three and a half years, but going to Paris? It felt like the last missing puzzle piece I have been looking for and didn’t even know that I was missing. The journey has been a long one, but the most important and rewarding of my life. It’s been my journey to truly find me—just me—outside of anyone else, anything else, and it spawned from my ex leaving. I was broken by that, and I can finally say that I feel whole now, just me. Does that mean I am impervious to being hurt, or that I won’t get hurt again? No. But I do finally feel solid on my own two feet. I know who I am today, and I am healthy, without anyone else.

It is actually rare, it seems, to meet someone who can say the same. Far too often people jump from one relationship to the next, never pausing to breathe, to reflect, to grieve, to process. I believe we’re just halves of ourselves if we try to approach relationships like this—seeking other halves in order to feel whole. How different would it be to be whole— seeking others who are also whole? To find someone who is emotionally mature, who gives, and who doesn’t just take. This—this is my ideal. This is what I want; what I believe we all deserve. I may not be perfect, and I may make some mistakes along the way, but this is what I am seeking, and what I hope to ultimately find. I am often frustrated that I don’t have it yet, and by dating in general, but I do take comfort in the knowledge that when I do find someone I have that with, how much better it will be. It grieves me to admit that I feel like I have never truly had a healthy adult, romantic relationship, but it’s the honest truth. I take comfort in knowing that I have been doing the hard work, and that I am finally in a place to have one now.

Until then, I get to experience life solo, to go on amazing trips like the one I just had to Paris—and to learn even more about myself in the process. It is my hope that my journey helps to inspire others to also find themselves, to find the things that intimidate them and to do them. To dream big and then to find a way to make those dreams into a reality, and to find a way to go on a big solo trip. This may not have been on my list of things I would have said are a must prior to this trip, but having just come back, I can absolutely say it is a must now. I believe you will find a piece of you; I think that it’s going to look different for every single person, but I absolutely know that you will be a better person for having done so.

So, here’s to Paris...another dream that I am so happy to say that I have made into a reality. Here’s to making your dreams come true, to all the amazing memories I made, and to the many more I have yet to make...and that I know I will.

Love always,

Sabrina Michele