My Brain Hates Me
"I think that’s the real reason I’m still alone—not for lack of meeting people, or lack of trying, but because the kind of real connection I am looking for is so rare. I know that one day I will find it...but for now I swallow down the fear, and I hold myself tight in the middle of the night, until sleep finally comes."
Diary: To strong women
"Tonight I honor women, but especially strong, independent women.
The kind who get dealt the hard shit, the kind who get knocked down in life, and yet...who find the strength within to get back up and keep fighting. To keep showing up every single damn day."
Ready to try again
"As much as I hated to admit it, there it was: when he spoke, I heard his voice. The man I fell in love with."
Diary: Why I don’t make New Year’s resolutions
"The truth is that I am resolved to make this life the best one I can, every single day. Not tomorrow, not January 1st, but right here and now. I believe in making that life happen, and I’m proud to say that I’m loving and living my best life, right now."
Love is a Four-Letter Word
"Somehow, in loving me, I found that I could love again. I hope that someday, when the timing is right, I will meet someone who is ready, and who’s heart is open to receive this love; but, until then, I am happy and content knowing that I have found everything I need, right here."
Learning how to say Goodbye
“I am learning how to say goodbye. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I know I have to. I know that I have to put me first now, and that it means letting go of these people—from my life, from my thoughts. …It may not be overnight, but a day at a time, I am giving myself back to me…”
A is for Acceptance
"Acceptance. It is the only answer I have found that gives me any comfort whatsoever—in life, in relationships—acceptance of what has happened, and that there is nothing we can do to change it. The promotion or raise we didn’t get; the invitation we were expecting which never comes; the call or text you were hoping he would make, but you never receive; the man you fall in love with, who will never love you back. Acceptance. Even when it breaks your heart, accepting that this is the hand life has dealt you in this moment."
G is for Great Expectations
"Up until now, all of these expectations I have been describing are completely normal and a part of everyday life. What I have been struggling with lately is when does having expectations become a bad thing? When does having expectations ultimately hurt you?"
Owning Our Stories
"When I read that yesterday, I knew...I knew that I had to live with the words I had written. I wrote them, I meant them, and I published them to tell my story; even as painful as that was, I needed to do just that. …I am here, and I am ready to own this story. And not just the good parts, but the whole thing.”
B is for Birthdays
"Birthdays were my favorite growing up. Right in the middle of the summer, I remember feeling lucky; I never had to go to school on my birthday, and since summer was my favorite season, I loved that my birthday fell when it did. I suppose we all have fond memories of summer break growing up, but I remember my birthday being particularly special. I know that’s one of the reasons why I have kept a fondness for my birthday, all these years later, when it seems so many of my generation would prefer to have little to no fanfare, or wish they could skip the whole birthday bit entirely. Not me. grins I know, for me, birthdays will always be a big deal."
Diary: This is 34
"I feel like there are two moments when life gives you the chance to hit the “reset button.” New Year’s and Birthdays. Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m definitely taking a moment to look back on all that thirty-three has brought me."
E is for Erasers
"I think it’s important to recognize that erasers aren’t perfect. Even the fancy kind I had in the fifth grade. There were always remnants left behind—faint, but the marks were still there if you looked closely. No amount of erasing could remove it all completely (believe me, I tried). I believe it’s the same exact concept with erasing people and relationships. I don’t care if you’re writing in pencil or in pen, there are going to be marks left behind."