Diary: In the midst of COVID, there is still this

It’s been five years. Five years since my ex-husband told me it was over and that he was leaving (for someone else).

I sometimes forget this story is new to some; I am personally so tired of this story that I forget that many don’t know it. I find this weekend is always a painful reminder of that story, but it’s also been a painful reminder of so many other endings since.

I find that life is full of so many seasons, but this one—this one has proven to be one of the hardest. It has demanded so much, of all of us, but it has especially wrung me out to dry. I feel devoid of so much human interaction and connection lately it leaves an ache that sometimes feels unbearable.

I am taking this time to share because it’s important to remember we are all struggling with hidden burdens right now, and it’s important to not forget that. My heart is grateful for the ones who have shown up for me during this time; I know that we are all doing our best, but I especially encourage you to remember those who are single, and those who may be hurting more than others right now. I think there are so many pressing issues demanding to be at the forefront right now, but pain and grief and depression are still just as important as ever.

I have wanted to share, to write more, to find my voice, when I honestly haven’t really felt like I really could, in the face of so many other huge life events happening right now. With that said: I am going to share, and I am going to speak. I appreciate all of those who have been there and who have listened.

…pain is still pain; grief is still grief.

I know I am not the only one struggling right now, and I know I still have so much to be thankful for, but: pain is still pain; grief is still grief. Tonight I take comfort facing all of the unknowns with the knowledge that I have literally gone through worst, and I AM strong enough.